You admitted the TRUTH to yourself about you and others in your life...
...but your bravery is rewarded with some rather unpleasant emotions. Well, we call them unpleasant, even 'destructive', yet without going through their notions we have NO CHANCE of healing.
Similar to building a new house, one has to break down the old one first.
We have to go through a process of a breakdown initially so that new and different things can emerge for us. As we acknowledge the role we played in our unhappiness so far our world comes crashing down.
We may even feel numb for a while before overwhelming sadness kicks in, making us pretty EMOTIONAL...
Breaking down the old always brings sadness. Which, if allowed to arrive and exist without judgement ('I shouldn't feel sad') or resistance ('I don't want to feel sad'), washes away the old we no longer need in our life.
Sadness literally makes space for the new the sooner we invite it in.
Soon after we feel ANGER arriving on the scene. At others initially, but with understanding the role we have played in allowing such behaviour our anger gets directed towards us. Which is great because it points us to our broken Self - our wounding.
Feeling sad for betraying ourselves we ask 'How could I do that to me and how come I did not see it?'
Well, you could not see it because you didn't think there was something wrong with others acting that way. Because in the past you have been treated in similar ways, hence DEEP DOWN BELIEVED it is OK, that you deserved it. You had no way of knowing that things weren't OK, nor you could compare with what is OK, because you only had one set of carers...
Based on how you have been treated at home, how your earliest authorities behaved towards you, other's behaviour became the NORM.
You may say: 'That's rubbish! My parents treated me much better than my partner!'
The thing is when were small and when others hurt us, we made it about us. Our Inner Child came to believe that we are wrong, BAD, not deserving, not really understanding that others may have simply had a bad day. That they themselves are hurting. They were tired and annoyed from work and we have accidentally pushed their buttons. They felt powerless, desperately wanting to control us to feel better about themselves. We don't know that we may have rubbed their 'not enough' wound, based on which they feel like the miserable parent... like A FAILURE...
We love them so much it is impossible that they would want to hurt us, right? So we excuse their behaviour 'Oh they don't really mean it, they do this out of love for me!'.
And exactly that we think of our beloved partners and friends.
Yes, love doesn't come easy when we confuse it with pain...
Wake up to the reality of treating YOU poorly. Really get that how you allow others to treat you is only a reflection of how you see yourself and what you believe you deserve. Learn more about boundaries, self-rejection and how to love yourself again. Because if you don't believe in your loveability, who shall?
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2017 Michaela Patel