When you have no desire, nor need, to justify your dos and don'ts to anyone but YOU, you have established a solid relationship with yourself based in self-love, self-respect and self-care.
In this space what others say or do won’t make you feel any better or worse, as you are firmly GROUNDED in the person that you are, without the need for validation elsewhere.
You are fully aware of your triggers and are able to notice if these are being used against you by people who attempt to manipulate you. You are able to clearly discern the reality, without being blindfolded by someone else’s.
When your reality isn’t dependant on how others see you, their attempts to distort it will become ineffective and your sense of self untouchable.
Knowing who we are implies facing our demons, and getting to know them really well. Knowing our mind, having tools to manage our thoughts and understand our own emotions, stands tall above any other knowledge. Why? Because on daily basis we spend on average 16 hours interacting with others in the school of life. So knowing and dealing with our unhealthy needs in healthy ways will disarm potential emotional tricksters who otherwise get to know these long before we do, and use them skilfully against us. Because without this knowledge we find ourselves in the many toxic (karmic) relationships which seem difficult to stay in, and difficult leave. Those relationships which feel like a fate we are destined to participate in.
And we are...
...until we learn our lessons in all their entirety and understand ALL that we were meant to get for us to move AWAY from those relationships. Until we stop hanging onto the people who are destroying their happiness and love for themselves, and let go of our need to change them. Until we start to see our manipulators for who they are, not for who we like them to be. Until we start to see ourselves as those who need to make changes instead of hoping that they might change one day. Until we put ourselves on that same pedestal we put them on, and start to see the goodness within, instead of deluding ourselves about theirs...
But that is very difficult to see if we are holding onto someone who systematically points out to our flaws at times of conflict they themselves like to create.
Some of us are simply better magicians...
Do you like to see the good in others, doubting your own?
Do you find that you have been attacked for not being caring and loving, not quite understanding how you have deserved such reaction? Do you realise that in an attempt to change your partner you point to his/her inadequacies and pull his/her triggers?
Yep, it hurts being shot.
You see not everyone knows themselves, their triggers, unhealthy needs, and how these are steering them into self-destructive behaviour. Some of us are really confused about ourselves, hiding behind spirituality to justify poor treatment of others. Spirituality simply means getting to know oneself, but those who practice manipulation get to know well everyone else but themselves. They are experts on controlling the minds of others but their own...
Remember, it is either YOU, the star of your life, or it is someone who likes to pull the strings of your Shadow Self behind the scenes. Your demons are the silent palls of your manipulators working loyally for them, and against you. How UNFAIR are you being towards you by not confronting your past pain?
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel