Forgiveness is an act of LOVE, as much as holding onto resentment is an act of FEAR.
So let me explain...
When we forgive, we say 'I understand why you hurt me and I give up my anger towards you.'
Not that we forget (!) because that would mean we haven't learned our lesson. Rather, we consiously let go of all the negative energy, the inner destructive force dressed as our protective shield.
Often we falsely believe that not forgiving keeps us SAFE from getting hurt again.
Staying angry at others is an UNCOSCIOUS choice. Why? It is only an illusion that remaining resentful will somehow protect you from getting hurt! Because whilst you focus on protecting you on the outside, you allow the negative energy, your pain, to demolish you on the inside.
To truly forgive we must let go of our VICTIMHOOD by accepting that there are mistakes WE made.
Holding onto anger is really just our fear of looking 'less than' because if there is no Villain (the other), there cannot be any Hero (us) either. This realisation really forces us to face the truth about ourselves, our own faults, relinquishing the role of the Saint.
Love is the only antidote to the poison of our anger. Love to face ourselves with compassion and forgiveness, and love to face others with the exact same thereafter. Because one cannot truly forgive others until he/she has forgiven her/himself.
Self-compassion is seeing ourselves with the eyes of love.
Accepting that we were/are weak, that we messed up, is THE condition for CHANGE. One cannot change whilst living in a denial. Denial, a seemingly easy ESCAPE, is truly a prison. A voluntary cage we share with our demons, robbing ourselves of healing and peace. We are stuck with our pain, with our karma. Happiness becomes just a distant concept we strive to live up to. It becomes an endless chase for things and people on the outside, to fill the lack on the inside. As our demons become louder in time, we need more stuff to keep them quiet. The extremes with what we have (shopping obsession), what we do (workoholism), are just a reflection on the ever loud voices of our discontentment.
True happiness doesn't come from what we have, but who we are.
However, to realise who we are we have to be able to see ourselves in totality and forgive. To ourselves first and foremost for thinking we are inadequate and unloveable. To our carers next, for shaping us into someone we are not and causing us to chase perfection. Then to our ex partners, who wanted us to give what we didn't have: love, care and respect. To our enemies and those who hurt us, because we finally understood how unconscious they are and how they must be hurting.
Pain arises from pain. Pain never arises from love, but from it's concept - from our false belief about what love is, and isn't. From our false belief that forgiving others makes us somehow weaker...
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel