Happiness, like peace, is only achieved and felt in the moment as RIGHT NOW is all that exists.
Long lasting happiness and peace, meaning attainment those feelings in SUCCESSION OF MOMENTS, comes only with practice.
Making our happiness a future project is nonsense. Why? Because we are deciding every minute of every day if we like to feel good, or bad. Being aware that we have a choice, that we are not helpless victims of circumstances, is freeing. Eventually we become masters of our thoughts, understanding the processes in our mind. Our thoughts serve us, rather than the other way around.
Practicing gratitude, training our mind to focus away from the negative and conflicts, doing things which bring us genuine joy, are ways of re-wiring our brain.
By focusing away from negative, I do not mean escapism...
Our minds are used to focusing on the negative due to our childhood programming to survive.
With all the negative media coverage we choose to absorb our reality is one of constant worry. We do not like to feel bad, yet the drama of others is what we like to engage in. We try to escape our anxieties, our inner drama and un-ease, yet we focus our mind in the direction of MORE drama. We have a conflict going on in our heads, so we turn to MORE conflict! Instead of focusing it away from negativity, taking control of our already negative mind set, we like to distract it with more negativity... Hello?!
Our brain is so comfortable with worrying and tragedy. Our out-of-control mind knows more of the bad than the good. We feel more often miserable than happy. Our mind is on high alert continuously throughout the time we are not asleep, seeking the ‘bad and ugly’, threats and corruption.
The thing is, we let this happen. We are guilty of not taking care and charge of our own heads. Our thoughts run rampant, and instead of using our energy to learn how to manage our focus better, we waste this energy to blame others. 'They said/did...and I cannot sleep now.'
It is where WE focused our mind, where WE engaged in drama, yet we refuse to own it.
There are situations where we are upset by arisen situation, but in ANY situation there are always OTHER ways how to look at things.
We are so used to look at situations from one angle, one perspective, through OUR lens, that we aren’t even aware there are options. We get stuck in our heads with no way out, when the only thing we need to consider is that this is not the ONLY way to look at and do things.
I would like to show you what options are available to you faced with a negative situation. When faced with conflict or a problem we can:
1/ be grateful for what DID’T happen (what wasn't said/done).
Adopting a position of gratitude will put us in a different frame of mind - one of a relief, rather than despair.
2/ (out of curiosity) look at the situation from a perspective of the other person, and imagine ourselves in THEIR skin - with their personality type, with the challenges they are currently facing in their lives (we may have no clue about!), the suffering they must have gone through in their childhood which shaped them to be who they are today. This will make us wonder. We suddenly become understanding and compassionate, rather than resentful and angry. We know that how they see situation is perfectly valid from where they are standing - from their point of view. We are being EMPATHIC.
If everyone understood this, I mean really grasped and practiced seeing the world through the lens of another, there would be a lot less politics and conflicts.
Understand this: Only people who have been badly hurt, abused, can hurt others. They cause pain without being concerned or apologetic, not understanding what they did, because they treat themselves same way they were treated by others. For them, it isn’t unusual.
If a severe boundary violation occurred, we use our energy wisely - not wasting it all on rage (internal/external) , but on admitting how we feel, what made us mad, and making changes to restore our boundaries.
3/ choose to let the whole thing go if we feel that engaging in what happened will not change anything anyway. We value our inner peace more than wanting to be right. NOT winning an argument letting other side ‘win’ is a matter of priorities. We don’t mind they think they are ‘better’ because they are ‘right’. Them thinking they are better has no bearing on how we feel about ourselves. Right the opposite. We feel better about ourselves that we ‘let them have it’, that we managed to stay away from drama. It is a win-win situation when our top priority is quiet mind.
Learning to practice gratitude and genuinely imagining others in their shoes, practicing empathy, are great tools for learning how to attain happiness and peace even in the face of a challenge. How to attain positive mind set RIGHT NOW.
Wherever we are, whatever we do, and whoever we are angry with, we can be happy. Happiness isn’t some future goal but a choice we make in every moment of our lives. Because under any circumstances, no matter how miserable one is, there are plenty of things to be happy about. We just have to TRAIN our mind to see it...
EXERCISE FOR YOU
Put your curiosity to good use and ASK yourself:
How can I see my situation in a different light? How many perspectives can I adopt? How does each perspective make me feel? Your Ego for sure wants to win… but let your emotions tell you what is good for you ;)
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel