All the people in our life are meant to teach us a lesson.
Any painful experiences, translated into our emotions as unpleasant, are meant to point us into the direction of OUR wounding.
Those who hurt us most are the ones we give most significance to: our partners, children and our parents.
So I was wondering, what were the lessons I was meant to learn about myself from the string of NARCISSISTS in my life? What have they taught me??
Firstly, I have to acknowledge that in my pain, whilst in a relationship with them, lied my greatest potential for growth - my personal healing ticket.
Lesson NO.1 SELF-LOVE - big time!
They taught me not to let their attempts for putting me down get to me, or make it mean that I am not good enough. I learned that their displeasure with me was just a reflection of their displeasure with themselves, and that what they did had nothing to do with who I was.
They taught me that by me allowing their abuse to continue, I am DISRESPECTING myself.
As a result, I learned to protect myself, to care for me.
I learned how to create my boundaries. I learned to observe their actions, their attempts to cross my boundaries, and how these speak a thousand words!
I learned my VALUE.
And that my value doesn't derive from how much attention I get from them, or how much approval I get for what I say, or do. I finally got to feel my value as a person, which doesn't rise above the value of others, yet it empowers my presence in company of those who try to disregard my voice.
I learned to say 'NO' without feeling guilty. I learned to say 'yes' without fear.
I learned SELF-RESPECT, and NOT to be used by their 'me-me' act.
I learned SELF-CARE by putting myself first....not neglecting myself mentally, by not ignoring my emotions and my intuition. I learned to do what feels right for ME.
I found out that those who are highly likely to enter into a relationship with emotionally unavailable people are empaths. This is how I found out about my gift of EMPATHY, for which I am most grateful.
We, empaths, are SELFLESS by nature, and the urge to help when we feel we can, is way too strong. Seeing the weaknesses in our fellow humans melt our hearts. Seeing the confused and hurting Inner Child of another, their powerlessness, is a calling we cannot resist.
However, I learned to accept that I cannot change anyone unless they want to. No matter how much I see I could help, and how straightforward I think it may be “if they only….”.
It taught me to accept that some people's capacity to feel deeply, understand and love, is very limited.
It also taught me that being RIGHT is a waste of time.
That I have the choice of making it work, or walk away, when it doesn’t feel right, because I deserve nothing but loving care, respect and peaceful space for futher growth.
It taught me to conquer my fear of being ALONE, and that my life goes on just fine without another person in it.
I learned that walking my life path on my own is not a shameful disadvantage, but rather an opportunity, a privilege! The opportunity to heal myself, and the privilge to find out who I really am and love me madly....
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel