Can I ever love anyone the way I used to? The 'over the heels', head spinning, 'focus-on-him-forgetting me' kind of love? No. It was an ADDICTION. Addiction to needs and expectations. Addiction to the picture of his perfection my mind created. It was needy. The anticipation of him giving me what I was lacking - the love, attention and care. The hope. The hope of filling the black hole I felt deep down which was bottomless. The hope to feel enough for someone....feeling loved. It couldn't have never been filled by others, what they thought of me and how they felt about me.
So how does this new love look like?
Without the 'head rush' feeling, without the anticipation... Without the hope... It will definitely be different. Not blind. No false illusion of who I want him to be.
Never again forgetting me! I changed how I see me. How I feel about me. I found my value. Not coming from my looks, my job, the clothes I wear. I feel equal. Enough. Not looking for anyone to complete the part of me that 'is missing'.
No expectations or anticipation.
Just curiosity...
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Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel
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